Sunday, October 23, 2005


The biggest fear in my life right now has to do with impending fatherhood. Don't get me wrong. I am thrilled to be having a baby. As is my beautiful bride. It is an honor and a privilege that I/we look forward to. Especially since the fertility doctor had told me it might be difficult for us to get pregnant. The fact that we are is even more of a miracle. But I must admit to being overwhelmed by the financial responsibilities of being a father. It is still several months away, but I am already worried about paying for diapers and daycare. Recently the pastor gave a sermon on the importance of tithing, dedicating 10% of your income to your local church for the purposes of supporting the body of believers. When my faith has been a vital part of my life, this has always been an easy commandment for me to follow. Now as I approach fatherhood and the financial woes have increased, the temptation or desire not to have to tithe has crept in. So far, God is still winning. And that is a good thing. But I struggle with believing that God will faithfully provide all of our needs. I know that I shouldn't. A promise from God is as good as it gets. Honestly, though, I do. I just keep going over and over in my head "where is all the money going to come from?" and "how are we going to cut our expenses?" And I don't know, at least not now. When the baby arrives it will be a blessed thing and I can switch over some of my worry to whether or not I will be a good father in other areas. The arrival of our child may actually take some of the burden off the financial picture by bringing other concerns to the forefront. Until that happens, though, my record seems stuck on the financial picture. This is probably common. Nevertheless, it is also uncomfortable. Just putting my thoughts down on paper before I go off to church this tithe.